I never went to summer camp. Not an away camp, church camp, YMCA, neighborhood camp... nothing. When I was my son's age I lived in Key West, had two older brothers, and my mother was a full-time mom. Summers were the stuff of classic movies - carefree and exciting. We had crushes on the girl next door, pool parties to attend, and long adventurous bike rides and walks (like Stand By Me, minus the dead body). Then I moved to Bed Stuy Brooklyn and summer became a different kind of adventure. Late night infiltrations of notorious public housing projects to meet cute girls, midnight runs to White Castle and of course bullets and barbecues. Like Jay Z once said of the hottest time of the year in The Stuy "summertime, unforgettable." For Dev this is his first summer as a kid in public school, so it's his first real camp experience. Unfortunately for him it's not the 80s, we live in NYC so mommy and daddy both have to work, and as my faithful readers know, there is nary a sibling in sight to pass the long humid days into short muggy nights with. Given that, I can imagine why Dev is not too thrilled about his summer situation. Plus he really misses his school pals (we are planning play dates with a few but it's difficult to pull off, logistically speaking) and his loving teachers. What's hard on us as parents is that the tears have flowed for six days straight at drop off, not exactly the best start. We are being reassuring and understanding, as we should be, in the hopes that this cloud will soon pass. At least we're having really great temperatures in New York. There's always a bright side!

We sang along. We danced for hours, years. We celebrated. We competed. We tried to frighten one another. We moon walked, badly. We made love. We connected. We laughed. We pumped our fists. We nodded our heads. We fantasized. We smiled. We listened, loudly. We two-stepped. We grew up. We played with friends. We started our own families. We cried. ...All while listening to the music of Michael Jackson. He was the brightest star of my youth, and his light faded out today. A flawed hero, yes. But that's what made him human. He was also a dad. We were hard on MJ and we were good to him, our own flaws becoming apparent as we ponder his death, and watch random clips of his life. The music lives on, and we all know the music speaks for itself. I raise my glass to a remarkable life.

Back in the day I had a tee ball set-up that was awesome. It was red and white and it had one of those balls with the elastic cord attached so you could practice on your own. I would play with that thing for hours and so would my brothers. I got really, really good at tee ball, which is kind of like being good at the other things I had mastered like kickball, tetherball and three legged race - overall a worthless set of skills, but athletic and good exercise. In those days I won ribbons for those sports at track and field events, and dominated in my age class. My older brothers shared similar experiences as we crushed the elementary school set in random sporting competitions that no one gives scholarships for. One day I was playing tee ball (not on my set) and I swung for a ball with an aluminum bat. I didn't realize that my friend Smoochie was standing behind me and he took the bat right in the forehead. The round spot where I hit him turned red and started to pour blood down his face and into his right eye. I was mortified and scared. Thankfully my older brothers were around and we got him to his house without him bleeding out. I don't know what his parents did with him, if they took him to the hospital or performed the necessary triage at home, but the next time I saw him he was bandaged up with full gauze wrapped several times around his head. He was a good sport about it and acknowledged that he shouldn't have been standing behind me while I was at bat. My dad was furious when he found out after the fact that the bat-to-the-head incident had taken place. But even through my dad's wrath and Smoochie's gash we all lived. Today I set up an awesome tee ball set for my son. It has the same ball attached to an elastic cord that mine did over 20 years ago. However my son's is black and white and I don't stand within 10 feet of him when he's at bat. I try to teach him technique, though it's more fun to teach him how to have fun. It was such a perfect evening of batting and laughing, that even he felt the need to note it aloud. I can hardly imagine a better day than slow cooking a whole chicken on the grill and simultaneously teaching my son how to hit a pop fly with a tee ball. It was one of those moments where you realize that as much as things change, many things stay the same. I also talked on the phone with both of my older brothers today which added to the nostalgia. There are few perfect moments in parenting. I'd love to say there are millions but there really aren't. However there are enough to make it all worth it, and I can say I lived one today... And the chicken turned out so good I almost smacked myself.

...At least not for kids. Sure this post is a little late in the sense that the film "Notorious" came out over a month ago, but the theme for the post is timely: children attending rated R movies. I lived in Bedford-Stuvesant when B.I.G. did. I've always been vocal about being a fan of the man that changed Hip-Hop. He changed it with his lyrics and his, well, untraditional look. His life inspired us in Brooklyn and in 'hoods around the world. My wife and I remember getting chills the first time we separately heard "Juicy." And me when I saw the video and him walking the same streets that I walked. Sure he was a tragic hero, with great many flaws, but at the end of the day the music was all that mattered. That's why opening weekend found me in a movie theater getting ready to go back in time to the 90s. I almost never go to see a movie on the first weekend in release. Too many people. But for a trip back to the Stuy of my youth, it was worth it. The wife and I got there early so we could get a good seat and we watched the diehard fans roll in. And a bunch of them brought their kids! These kids ranged in age from two and up. A few babies in arms were there too. Now, if you've ever heard a Biggie song then you know darn well that you have no business bringing your kids to a movie about his life. I enjoyed the film. It was told with reverence for a Hip-Hop icon. And it had the sex, drugs, and violence that you'd expect from a film about a guy who spun lyrical tales about sex, drugs and violence. The issue here is that "Notorious" is not a children's film. Heck, the last children's film I saw was barely a children's film. We as parents must use our common sense and not take our children to every film that we want to see. That night my son spent the evening with grandma, while we took in a rated R movie. The funny thing about movie ratings is that they - now bace yourself - give you an idea of what's appropriate viewing for your kids. Now there is more to this than just the suspect judgement that a parent who takes their very young kid to an R rated movie obviously has. There is also the courtesy factor. I did not pay $12 for a toddler to stumble past me in the dark as he yelped and ran from his mother, who, mind you, was not even chasing him. This particular kid ran amok with no supervision. Another young boy looked way to happy/amused to watch Biggie and Kim do the things they sang about. I'm big on supporting black films. I believe that in order to ensure distributors continue to buy black films we have to continue to make sure they are made by going to the movies. What's more, I like to be told a story that I can personally connect to. But all parents at all movies must use sound judgement when choosing what their young kids see on the big screen. I think even Ms. Wallace would agree with that.

This year for Christmas Dev got his first "real" bike. Living in New York has made me less than interested in him owning bike but the missus and I buckled down and got one anyway. It was a somewhat testosterone driven decision because I know somewhere in my man-brain that a kid should have a bike at his age. The issue for me is safety. People zoom up and down our otherwise quiet residential blocks all the time. It's not like when I was five years old riding my bike through the lazy Florida streets. Someone jumped the curb the other night over here and plowed through a fence. Luckily the house on the lot was just being built. Around here drivers like to honk their horns as they speed through intersections. I personally didn't even get another bike once I moved to NY almost 20 years ago because this city was a bit over the top with the way they ignored cyclists (plus I was po'). The only way, it seems, to have good safe fun on a bike is to go to a park. We have a great park near our home. I will not describe it fully because I do not want to see you there - I like the peace and quiet that it offers on almost every day and you may disrupt that. (I'm kidding! Mostly.) Anyway, it's a few acres of rural oasis in the middle of the 'hood. The only thing is that to get there I have to load Dev's darn bike into the car because walking is 25 minutes of five lane boulevards and waiting for lights to change and mean drivers who would rather see you beneath the wheels of their SUV than you safely across the street - and driving is five minutes. Once there I have to find the right spot, to start teaching. The boy can't ride very well, not even with training wheels. That part doesn't bother me as much today, as of this writing, as it did last week when I first figured out that he couldn't ride very well. For some reason he can't keep his feet on the pedals and he can't turn a corner on an upright bike. At first I didn't get it. I figured that balance was the only thing that you needed to teach a kid, not the fundamentals. Then I searched back into the dark recesses of my mind and tried to remember how I learned to ride. I was about his age, though I had a Knight Rider big wheel before my first bike. But what stood out in my mind's eye was not that I was learning to ride as a five year old, it was who taught me. My brothers and the kids from the neighborhood taught me how to ride. My father was not there. I then started to think about learning to throw a football and baseball, building forts, building with legos, and all the other stuff that kids do. Again I came up with brothers and friends and on occasion their fathers. So is that the "out"? Is a child having siblings a parent's way, or excuse for, shunting certain responsibility? But someone had to teach my oldest brother in order for him to teach us, right? I'll have to ask him. In my father's defense, or whatever, he was allegedly sick at the time. He must have been suffering with the neurological disease that follows him to this day and, at the time, doctors didn't understand. It was 25 years ago after all. I'm not bitter, just a little boggled. I think that teaching a kid to ride a bike is a dad thing, or a mom thing in some instances. If you want to get really traditional dad teaches to ride, mom does the necessary triage afterward. To have no memory of my dad teaching certain things is weird to me. I hesitate to say he didn't because maybe he did and I don't recall, though that seems unlikely. All I know is that I'm going to prep my son for spring by running my bigger-than-should-be butt behind his new bike until he gets it right. Then after all these years I may just buy myself a bike and join him - in the park of course.

I am something of a Christmas music junkie. I listen all day at work?to this station and sometimes stream the online channels where you get even more variety (my favorite being the R&B channel). People come in and out of my office and comment on how they can't believe that?I can listen to holiday music all day, especially since I'm perceived to be a grouchy finance guy. To them I say few words, mainly?because?December comes and goes?in an instant?and I don't have the time for such?bah-humbug. At home I play everything from the Polar Express soundtrack to Brian McKnight's awesome new holiday CD. I even have Josh Groban's dramatic foray into the classics. I figure this season comes only once a year so I try to enjoy it. I don't dislike many holiday songs. However there is one about a donkey that I thought is?inane?- luckily?I haven't heard it all year. There's also one about a dead lady getting new?shoes that is beyond sad, but I?kind of like it. Overall I find the holidays to be equally sad and joyous so there is a place for deep, depressing songs. BUT there is one song that after listening to it over and over again I just can't get into. It was made in 1984 by some well intentioned Brits (aka Band Aid) and is called "Do They Know it's Christmas?" I know you've heard it. My problem with the tune is that it's dated and a little ridiculous. When the song was written it was 24 years ago when feeding the people of Ethiopia was the African cause it was?created - in one day -?to raise money for. Today Darfur and HIV are the top priorities of most fundraising efforts?related to?the continent of Africa. In addition the lyrics aren't appropriate. "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you" may be one of the?the most dreadful?lines ever uttered in a Christmas song, and?I'm the same guy who likes the ditty about the?shoes. It served it's purpose, now it's time to put it to rest. It's not like it's Jingle Bells. Surprisingly Dev isn't into any of the Christmas songs on the radio or the CDs.?Last year he was singing all the time. This year he could care less. He's forgotten the words to his favorite holiday music and has no intention of remembering them. He still believes in Santa though, for now. He's?an old?five.

DO YOU REMEMBER… – malecare.org

INSPIRING DAD – LESSONS FROM THE PAST

I was re-reading Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Letter from a Birmingham Jail and I had to pause to take a deep breath a time or two. Not because his letter was a tear jerker - it's not. It's truth spoken to power and is not at all sentimental. The ideas from his letter that [...]

By BDC|2020-02-04T10:16:29-05:00February 7th, 2010|AAD ON RACE, DO YOU REMEMBER..., LIFE, PAST, THINGS I WISH MY DAD TOLD/TAUGHT ME|1 Comment

2010 – A KEITH ODYSSEY

It's a new year and a new me! Um, not quite. I'm the same old me (and getting older apparently). I'm ok with that, since I made it to another year intact. I've been busy working on great projects behind the scenes and planning for 2010. Throughout the year I'm hoping to roll out [...]

By BDC|2020-02-04T10:16:25-05:00January 4th, 2010|AAD ON TV, MUSIC, MOVIES, DO YOU REMEMBER..., FUTURE|0 Comments

NO CHRISTMAS FOR YOU!

The world moves too fast for my liking sometimes. Not that I can't keep up, I can thank you very much, but more that I like having a second or two for analysis. At the office you have to be able to do both and in general I can do that too (though I prefer [...]

By BDC|2017-10-19T10:54:14-04:00December 13th, 2009|AAD ON TV, MUSIC, MOVIES, DO YOU REMEMBER..., PAST, THE HOLIDAYS, UNSOLICITED ADVICE & SUPPORT|2 Comments

SUMMER CAMP BLUES

I never went to summer camp. Not an away camp, church camp, YMCA, neighborhood camp... nothing. When I was my son's age I lived in Key West, had two older brothers, and my mother was a full-time mom. Summers were the stuff of classic movies - carefree and exciting. We had crushes on the girl [...]

By BDC|2020-02-04T11:16:27-05:00July 13th, 2009|DO YOU REMEMBER..., LIFE, PAST, THE DEV|2 Comments

MJ

We sang along. We danced for hours, years. We celebrated. We competed. We tried to frighten one another. We moon walked, badly. We made love. We connected. We laughed. We pumped our fists. We nodded our heads. We fantasized. We smiled. We listened, loudly. We two-stepped. We grew up. We played with friends. We started [...]

By BDC|2009-06-25T20:29:46-04:00June 25th, 2009|DO YOU REMEMBER..., LIFE|6 Comments

BALLER… TEE BALLER

Back in the day I had a tee ball set-up that was awesome. It was red and white and it had one of those balls with the elastic cord attached so you could practice on your own. I would play with that thing for hours and so would my brothers. I got really, really good [...]

By BDC|2017-10-19T10:55:13-04:00May 31st, 2009|DO YOU REMEMBER..., PAST, Uncategorized|2 Comments

COMPUTERS IN DAD’S DAY & DEV’S DAY

I remember when I was approximately Dev's age and computers were huge, often not in color and required floppy disks that were actually floppy. I can see clearly in my mind the old-school CRT monitors and the lousy pixilation with the constantly blinking DOS cursor. Clunky keyboards were common and I'm pretty sure there was [...]

By BDC|2017-10-19T10:55:39-04:00April 2nd, 2009|DO YOU REMEMBER..., PAST, RANDOM, UNSOLICITED ADVICE & SUPPORT|3 Comments

NO! NO! NOTORIOUS…

...At least not for kids. Sure this post is a little late in the sense that the film "Notorious" came out over a month ago, but the theme for the post is timely: children attending rated R movies. I lived in Bedford-Stuvesant when B.I.G. did. I've always been vocal about being a fan of the [...]

By BDC|2020-02-04T10:16:21-05:00February 22nd, 2009|AAD ON TV, MUSIC, MOVIES, DO YOU REMEMBER..., PAST|4 Comments

BIKES AND THE CITY

This year for Christmas Dev got his first "real" bike. Living in New York has made me less than interested in him owning bike but the missus and I buckled down and got one anyway. It was a somewhat testosterone driven decision because I know somewhere in my man-brain that a kid should have a [...]

By BDC|2017-10-19T10:56:30-04:00January 4th, 2009|DO YOU REMEMBER..., LIFE, THINGS I WISH MY DAD TOLD/TAUGHT ME|4 Comments

XMAS MUSIC

I am something of a Christmas music junkie. I listen all day at work?to this station and sometimes stream the online channels where you get even more variety (my favorite being the R&B channel). People come in and out of my office and comment on how they can't believe that?I can listen to holiday music [...]

By BDC|2020-02-04T10:40:59-05:00December 6th, 2008|DO YOU REMEMBER..., THE HOLIDAYS, Uncategorized|11 Comments