Do you hate your dad? C’mon, be honest. I don’t think I hate mine. I don’t speak to him enough to hate him. My fear is that if I speak to him frequently, or at all, I truly won’t like him.Â He has a gift for never saying the right thing. Ever. His foot stays in his mouth and he seems to like it there. Plus, hate is a time consuming and emotionally draining endeavor and my time is limited. I prefer to spend what little I have loving my wife and son.
All this to say that I came across an interesting article this week by a writer named Bob Just. I don’t agree with everything that is said in his article, however it is a very thoughtful look at a culture that really seems to hate dad. Mr. Just even posits a theory that links the rise of gangs in America to to fatherlessness (is that a word?). I’ve heard the theory before and I believe it definitely has merit. It’s a long article but one worth reading and thinking about.
People hate their fathers for many reasons. Some hate dad because they never met him, others because they did. Then there are those that were abused in some way, or abandoned, or something else entirely. While others, as Mr. Just touches on, hate their dads because it’s kind of trendy to do so.
No matter the reason I’m sure we can all agree that lots of people think their dads sucked at the job. I certainly hope that down the road my son doesn’t join that group.
Very interesting article. Some of his arguments are a bit far fetched but I do think that to some extent gangs can be tied to father hate – gangs have been around for a very long time, not exactly a new phenomenom. I do feel that the young men in this country are craving a sort of rights of passage that is very much missing in American culture. We plan to incorporate several aspects of the Warrior Method with our sons.
If you want to be a good father- you will be. And your son will definitely remember how hard you do try. Some of the greatest sadness I experience now is that most of my childhood memories of the bad my father (and mother) committed. My goal every day to make sure my children have plenty of good memories to hold onto.
I love my dad. He sacrificed for us, stayed with the family, stopped a host of bad habits for us. For that I love him, for being there I love him. However, because of his need for machismo and men in general issue with expressing how they are/ have been hurt he carried his pain from his childhood with him and dispensed it in his immediate family like a Pez candy dispenser. I forgave him because now I somewhat understand what his childhood experience was like. He will/would not share that pain and hurt though due to his idea that it would take away from his being the guy in charge “DAD” to us.
Dad’s do have a hard line to toe because of the constant protector/ I do not feel I handle things line that they are assigned. I am a womanist and I want both genders to be happy with the life they individually choose. With this in mind, I must honestly say that patriarchy nor feminism has been a good friend to either commonly agreed upon roles. When it comes down to it, those ideologies are about ego. Who is right, who is wrong. When we label dads as just protectors and the person who brings in the major funds which is a traditional view, it blocks what else he can and should be to his son or daughter. It is the same when mothers are identified as nurturers when they too offer other practical and yes, protective stances – it is all too limiting. I am suggesting that the whole cart needs to be knocked over, and respect of each others in lieu of the traditional views on parenting and how men and women intereact – get pushed over. With both parents allowed to involve and bring all of themselves with their relationship with their kids in order to truly, nurture, care and defend in the way that they can, maybe then dads can cease having such a horrible rap.
I agree with the theory that fathers being absent from the home contributes to gang activity, among other problems with our youth.
I have the same fear as a mother; hoping that my children don’t grow up hating me on not wanting to see or speak with me on a regular. I just hope if that’s the case that they apprecite all that I’ve instilled in them as they grow up. Who said being a parent was easy. Smile.
i hate my dad 2 know how u feel bro