I am a fan of the “timeout.”Â It’s not the only punishment in my arsenal, not by a long shot, yet it has a certain appeal.Â It’s a good option for lesser crimes;Â I stand by it.Â
Many black folk have criticized me for advocating non-corporal punishments as a means of discipline.Â They talk about the good ol’ days when our parents beat the crap out of us at the drop of a hat.Â All I have to sayÂ to that is that my father whupped me, and these days we don’t talk often (twice last year for about 20 minutes in total).Â I got smacked around often, which to me is the point -Â knowing aÂ beating was imminentÂ neverÂ prevented me from doingÂ the bad stuff I always found myself doing.Â
Anyway, if you’d like to hear me talk about why I like timeouts and howÂ my wife and IÂ make them work even with our difficult son, click here.Â
Great job Keith. I am pround to say that I not only played your message in it’s entirty. But i listened, also. The egg timer is something we have never tried and I like it. I think my 3 year old might really respond to it.
If it works I’ll have to buy you a cyber-beer or something.
Great idea and good advise.
For the longest time I thought getting whuppens was the only way to raise children, one of those “that just how it is” things. One of the turning points for me was a scene in the movie Antwone Fisher. In this scene Denzel gave Antwone a book that talked about the slave origins of corporal punishment. Even though I never read said book that little moment helped me to imagine other possibilities.
I was whupped pretty bad as a kid and I worry about being that way with my daughter. I have decided to stick with the time-outs and make spanking a VERY last resort. This may sound corny, but maybe I am helping break a cycle of violence in our community
Kudos to you for choosing an alternate route! Spankings have definitely become a back-burner discipline tool in our household as well.
Well definately with a toddler the spanking or “whuppin” is not the best route, generally inefective with mine, the Time out does work. Nice and Informative AAD!
Really a nice post, you sound like a brother with some good insight. This is a good example why you are on my blogroll.. Peace!
I’ve always had a problem with the “might makes right” message of spankings, but I admit that there will probably be times that I’ll spank my young’un-to-be.
I disagree about pain being no deterrent. Pain has always been strong deterrent, for me.
I admit, though, that there ARE kids out there who seem to eat @$$-whuppin’s for breakfast.
Good post and off the title of the blog alone I added the blog as a link. Salute.
Time outs can be very effective and there are other just as effective forms of discipline. I’ve talked to many a teenager who would PREFER to get their butts whooped than to have privileges taken away. At one point I was totally against spankings, but I feel there are FEW occasions that warrant tearing up that butt. I don’t believe in spanking for any and everything because it sends the wrong message and then becomes ineffective and we also cant raise or expect our children to be non violent while WE’RE beating the crap out of them.
My significant other doesnt like whippings either preferring to either punish or talk with my son(he has 3 of his own also) and that works for him. He says that spanking makes the child lose respect for you as a parent. I try time outs and punishments but ultimately end up spanking for most major offenses. I think that its really up to the parent and I think that ANY form of punishment should involve a lot of talking about why they were punished and what can be done better next time to prevent having to be punished.
I’ve asked my kids to consider what the punishment for the other(s) should be when they have lost their minds and either 1) openly disregarded a known houserule, or 2) so seriously offended, or hurt, the body or heart of their sibling(s).
You should see the looks they can get on their faces as they work on coming up with ingenious, personally-undesirable-but harsh-enough-for-my-tormentor/enemy punishments.
Saves me the mad fool, spittle flying, “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” routine.
I don’t think that corporal punishment is a holdover from slavery days, but to each his own. Every child is different and not all methods work on every child. For myself, the threat of a beating was enough to keep me in check most of the time. My beatings were few and far between. Mostly it was the fear of the punishment that did the job. I plan to use the same method on my son when he is older (right now he is 2 months). But who knows how his personality will be. I wouldn’t rule out anything. I’m glad that you have found a method that works for your family. Your son’s antics are hilarious.
I am with you and understand. I was hit, slapped, pummelled as a child and I continued to do what nasty deeds I did. Why? Something to do with feeling worthless, alone and without risk of losing anything.
My kids have thrived with time outs, lots of love, patience and understanding.
It’s good to hear that not all black people are abating their kids. Bravo!