I read this article yesterday from the New York Times and thought that it was worth sharing. Black hair is always a strange, and historically significant topic that just won’t die. When I read the description of a black dad braiding his little girls wild locks I got such a vivid, fun picture in my head that I laughed out loud. I also chuckled about the fact that he is praised for his hair styling capabilities, whereas black mothers have gotten little, or no recognition for the same skill. Sadly (for mommies anyway), that’s just the way it is. As we step out of the dark ages of parenting men will garner praise for things that women have always done. My hope is that one day it will level off and we will all be seen as equals in parenting. That’s why us dads blog about being dads in the first place.
The only thing I have issue with in the article is the last three paragraphs, though I’ll reserve my opinion on as to why. I’m not sure if what I’m thinking makes sense, or if I’m just being sensitive.
As a caucasian woman with no kids, I don’t know if my opinion is all that valuable on this topic, but I also felt like that essay got strange at the end.
I have to admit, I read the article just to see what was in the last three paragraphs. It smells nice? Oh, shut up, Brad.
Speaking of fathers getting extra praise, my husband came back from a walk with the kids when our daughters were babies (they’re almost 3 now). He was (pleasantly) surprised at all the attention he got from everyone in the neighborhood. He couldn’t believe it.
I said, are you kidding? Those women see a guy pushing a double stroller and holding a little boy’s hand? They think you’re HOT.
Can we say “Gender Roles”.
I am the father of a mixed race girl. Her mom has been struggling some with both the maintenance of our daughter’s hair and the social issues tied to it. Its clear to me that I need to play a more active role and will be trying to learn how to do a little myself.
Honestly I am a little nervous about it. Its a whole heck of a lot easier to comment on things than to do something about it.
The article was okay up until the end. I’m the one who does my daughter’s hair (she’ll be 3 in May). My husband does not tackle that responsibility (darn!).
What I didn’t like is that the author looked at his daughter’s hair as something to be conquered, something to be subdued, something to have dominion over. What a shame. My daughter’s hair is very tight and curly. Every week when I wash and braid her hair I tell her how beautiful her hair is. Her hair just is – it’s not something I feel I need to get control over in the sense the author of this article seems to be talking about. I’m just a little offended.
I hope he doesn’t offer those sentiments to his daughter. She might feel that she, too, needs to conquer her hair. What a shame.
Does anyone really care what Brad Pitt says?
I don’t know if we’re thinking the same thing, but I have an issue with the last three paragraphs as well.
Sensitive or annoyed?
I’m so happy I have a son right now and I don’t have to worry about hair. Unless he starts watching Bravo…
India Arie said so much in her song, “I Am Not My Hair.” My wife and I refuse to describe our soon-to-be 3-year old daughter’s hair as “good,” “bad,” “nappy, or “kinky.”
As the “first” Black man my pearl of a girl will ever love, I edify and highly esteem my gift from God daily. I’m doing everything humanly possible to keep my daughter’s mental image of herself from getting needlessly tangled up in issues about her hair.
She honestly believes that her hair is “beautiful.” It’s sad that any man would think that his daughter’s hair is something that needs to be “conquered.” I “play” with and enjoy my daughter’s beautiful hair.
A wise woman once said that any hair that protects the human brain from the damaging rays of the hot sun is good hair. Besides, whose misguided hand drew the battle line in the sand that distinguished good hair from bad hair? God didn’t.
I’m sorry but I would have to agree with the writer of that article. Sometimes I feel like hair is something to be tackled. When I was 8 my mother who is Chinese finally gave up on my hair. My father struggled to braid it once or twice but eventually gave up. I think he sought someone to do my hair for a short while…then finally I learned how to braid my own hair and I’ve been braiding my own hair for the last 18 years.
Now that I have a daughter, I completely empathize with my mother. Maybe I’m not using the right hair care product, maybe I’m just not doing it right. But its always a struggle and when she screams and cries because it hurts, her dad comes running in to make sure I’m not killing his baby girl, then looks on helplessly, sending her encouraging words. Eventually my daughter gives up and just goes to sleep!
I’m late, so I only read the article’s last three paragraphs.
I felt like a lot of you guys did, but I also think I’m being too sensitive. It was kinda clumsily-phrased, but there was probably no “good” way to say it… and I don’t think there was anything truly wrong with him saying it.
All I have to say, is thank God for men, like “Manchild.” Your daughter is truly blessed.
Unfortunately depending on where you live it can be incredible just to see a black man parenting let alone doing hair. I have to admit that one of my favorite things about living in Atlanta was it was not unusual to go to local stores and be surrounded by black men grocery shopping with their little ones hanging off the grocery cart. Black men are fathers even though the media chooses to portray them as anything but.
I definitely agree that the author needs to rethink the way he addresses his daughter’s hair- it is beautiful and unique, not something to be conquered. The history of black hair is something that goes back for generations long before our history and country. It is fascinating to study to say the least.
It’s such a shame that the author feels like his daughter’s hair is an area that he needs to have dominion over. What’s the deal with that? Doing his daughter’s hair should be a bonding time not a physical challenge that he has to win. Very sad. On the other hand, it is great to see some positive press on black fathers and their daughters.
I’m glad to see a good father writing about himself and showing everyone that you do exist 🙂
Alrightie, Keith…
last paragraphs seemed an attempt to find larger societal relevance, tying the whole thing with the Jolie-Pitts in to his struggles to both attach that relevance and extend his personal travails to a larger (fathering) community. Everyone steps in the muck once in a while.
KWiz: I believe if you listen closely you will hear the implicit, and often, explicit statements, comments, under- and back-handed “compliments’ of Black women to other Black women regarding the incredible feat of ‘taming that stuff.’ This man did not make that up. Perpetuating the task as challenge is reflecting the very real emotional and psychological labyrinth which is getting comfortable with one’s hair For A Black Woman.
Manchild, et al: I have no problem with descriptive words that do not go to comparative value, but seek to place the texture and coil into a larger, almost universal, framework, using the most concise language available: kinky, nappy, coily, tight-and- curly. Each of these terms could adequately and properly be deemed to describe the hair’s shape and pattern (does not go to hair shaft texture, or ease of manageability), where it applies, without any negative implications.
It is the emotional and psychological baggage that we have internalized, and then slung back onto each other that has us looking at something which “naps” and choosing not to say it “naps.”
Call her hair whatever you will, as these choices are deeply individualized, but let her know her hair is not a determinant of her value. And, yes, as I say, good hair is that which is healthy, and grows.
Lovingly, and Happily Nappy, Lux.
Hey, man…
Thought: did you feel the last bit was something of a product placement ad in the interior of an essay? Did you feel the essay unceremoniously curved toward its intended end, and focus, though somewhat clumbsily and jaggedly?
Hey, Man…
The stuff just hit the fan this week on this issue of what our hair is called, by us and others.
Thought for sure your blog would be taking in more hits than it could handle on this. First thing I thought was ‘Fatherdad’.