My boy was not potty trained at this time last year (he was a late bloomer). So maybe that’s why only recently I’ve started to understand that men’s bathrooms are stupid. The urinals are too high for the average five year old to walk up to and do his business, much less a three or four year old. They are also often covered in urine, as is the floor directly beneath them. The toilet stalls are even worse because let’s face it: No one goes #2 in public unless it’s urgent (if it’s not urgent you’ll wait until you’re home, or some other place that is more private and conducive to reading). And for some strange reason after an urgent public poop most men lose hand function, which leaves them unable to flush. So where does all that leave us dads with small children? (Children, mind you, that have no way of understanding that a toilet seat is like a giant uncovered petri dish.)

Today my family and I cured our cabin fever by going to the zoo. My little one and his mother even rode the nearby carousel – twice. Of course at some point the boy needed to use the restroom and I was on the job. Not surprisingly even the lowest urinal wasn’t low enough for him to reach, and the same went for the low so-called handicap accessible toilet. So I had to hold the 50+ pound boy up to the nearest urinal, his bare ass flashing all, so he could relieve himself. This is unacceptable. I’m planning a road trip to Myrtle Beach this summer and that’s a 12 hour drive – lots of public bathroom breaks. Lots of holding up a big boy so he can pee. I know that ALL parents with small kids know what I’m talking about.

What I’m proposing is that we forget the sexist rappers that have suddenly become the interest of so many until after we get legislation on the floor of congress that requires all public bathrooms have at least one floor-based urinal, and one darn near on the floor toilet in every restroom (both men’s and women’s).  We need to move fast, I want to go to Myrtle Beach at the end of July. This means we need to get a lobbyist, write a bill, get it passed through the House and the Senate, signed off on by Bush, and made into law before I hit the road in about three months. I’m willing to roll out the plan gradually and force only the rest stops along I-95 to be in compliance by my departure date.

Who’s with me!