My boy was not potty trained at this time last year (he was a late bloomer). So maybe that’s why only recently I’ve started to understand that men’s bathrooms are stupid. The urinals are too high for the average five year old to walk up to and do his business, much less a three or four year old. They are also often covered in urine, as is the floor directly beneath them. The toilet stalls are even worse because let’s face it: No one goes #2 in public unless it’s urgent (if it’s not urgent you’ll wait until you’re home, or some other place that is more private and conducive to reading). And for some strange reason after an urgent public poop most men lose hand function, which leaves them unable to flush. So where does all that leave us dads with small children? (Children, mind you, that have no way of understanding that a toilet seat is like a giant uncovered petri dish.)
Today my family and I cured our cabin fever by going to the zoo. My little one and his mother even rode the nearby carousel – twice. Of course at some point the boy needed to use the restroom and I was on the job. Not surprisingly even the lowest urinal wasn’t low enough for him to reach, and the same went for the low so-called handicap accessible toilet. So I had to hold the 50+ pound boy up to the nearest urinal, his bare ass flashing all, so he could relieve himself. This is unacceptable. I’m planning a road trip to Myrtle Beach this summer and that’s a 12 hour drive – lots of public bathroom breaks. Lots of holding up a big boy so he can pee. I know that ALL parents with small kids know what I’m talking about.
What I’m proposing is that we forget the sexist rappers that have suddenly become the interest of so many until after we get legislation on the floor of congress that requires all public bathrooms have at least one floor-based urinal, and one darn near on the floor toilet in every restroom (both men’s and women’s).Â We need to move fast, I want to go to Myrtle Beach at the end of July. This means we need to get a lobbyist, write a bill, get it passed through the House and the Senate, signed off on by Bush, and made into law before I hit the road in about three months. I’m willing to roll out the plan gradually and force only the rest stops along I-95 to be in compliance by my departure date.
Who’s with me!
at least you have a son! my wife never liked taking my daughter to the restroom (and she had some lurid fascination with “having to go” early on)… so i was always saddled with the responsibility of trying to find a “family” restroom or failing that covering her eyes and darting into the nearest stall in the men’s restroom. to be honest, it was a thankless task thanks to the thoughtlessness and lack of home training that was obvious in those public toilets.
there were some trips that i almost wanted to BEG her to “hold it” until we go home, because the conditions were soooo deplorable.
since she’s gotten alittle older – she’s now 5 – my wife will usually take her, because she’s more knowledgeable and LOTS more curious than before. but my wife says the women’s restrooms are just as bad as the men’s. what to do?!?
i guess i need to write my congressman!
hysterical! it’s not just public ones, how about workplace restrooms too. at my new office there is actually one private bathroom and people are lining up to use it, neglecting the bigger ones with “stalls” (what are we, horses?)
I’m throwing my hat in for this one! You might have to invest in one of those mini-porta potties for your road trip to save you the agony!
Ugh. Yah, the women’s toilets really aren’t much better. I sure don’t like using them. My friend always has to boost her kid up onto the seat because she can’t get onto it herself. Ridiculous.
Maybe in your situation you could bring a sturdy little step stool or something? I think it’s crazy that you should have to, but it might make things easier for this upcoming trip…
I like that mini-porta-potty idea – especially if it can be sealed in an airtight container.
I’ve had limited experience with the kid-uses-public-restroom scenarios, but it was negative enough that I’ve remembered it.
As you wish Keith, as Mandatory Family Restrooms will be required in Liberia, businesses that do not comply will be decimated? Aw, ok NOT decimated butâ€¦fined? (I would prefer a more stern consequence, but Keith, you are influencing me to have a kinder-gentler security force) lol
I used to carry around this kinda hard toilet seat liner type thingy with me whenever I would take my god daughter out. That meant having it in a oversized plastic bag plus I had to bring along clorox wipes to sanitize it from the disgusting germs in the ladies room.
I’m with those who say to invest in one of those little porta-potty(ies)http://polyjohn.com/products.html?cat=restrooms&prod_id=miniflush for your road trip in July. Don’t forget plenty of hand sanitizer and wipes galore too!!
FatherDad, is it? As in, ‘We thank you, FatherDad, for showing us how to rally our civic butts into action and flood the offices of our local congresspersons to serve the entirety of their constituency…”
Hey, bunny, thanks for the link, I’ve never heard of it.
Hey Dad, I swear I take my potty with me. Sanitizing gel and wipes, plus a large bottle of water. Line the pot first with paper, then add a little water for the ‘aroma’, and then more water when he’s done, and flush in the bit toilet. Take a beach towel to shelter the little one in his corner, and you’re done.
You should see the women trying to figure out how I thought to do that dastardly thing. You should see the awe when my kids and I leave the restroom, all clothing pulled up and hands washed, before same women have had a chance to go! (Keep Lysol spray in the trunk for that nice little extra touch.)
I completely feel you on this one and I wish there could be a national campaign for restroom cleanliness. Public bathrooms are truly disgusting and folks walk out without washing their hands all the time. My eldest has gotten to the point where he walks into some public restrooms and asks if he can just go in the bushes outside.