I am very lucky as I have a committed, loving, long-term marriage. I have been married to Wendy for a very happy 34 years. Together, and with her loving support, we have managed to work through the many negative side effects from my primary treatment as well as from the hormone blockade.
The side effects I have experienced have included experiencing unreliable and inconsistent erections, and as with all of us who elected the surgical route, I no longer have any ejaculate. Many men have told me that the loss of their ejaculate is not a problem for them, but I experience it as a significant loss. I miss it and don’t find nearly the same level of satisfaction in my lovemaking. Despite this, I do continue to have sexual relations and find that I do continue to want them now that the effects of the hormone blockade have subsided and my testosterone level has return to normal levels.
I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I did not have a long term, loving relationship. Would I want to date and more importantly, would a women want to date a man with my sexual issues. For what possible reason would a woman want to saddle themselves with me, a man who is chronically ill and who brings a litany of sexual problems into the bedroom.
Well, fortunately, I don’t face this problem and I don’t have to worry about the loneliness that could otherwise encase my life. I am not sure what to say to those of you who are not as fortunate as I am. I guess that this issue is just one more of the many indignities that prostate cancer patients will be forced to experience in silence.
Joel T Nowak MA, MSW
You are lucky. I don’t miss ejaculation, but I miss having sex a great deal. The only ameliorating factor is my wife of 34 years and I rarely had sex anyway. It is just the way she is; so, I’ve been unhappy about that from way back before the diagnosis — as a matter of fact, for the past almost 35 years. It is just that I love her so much, even though she is fat and ugly, that I can’t cheat on her without too much of an emotional downside. So, you are indeed a lucky man.