Anger hurts prostate cancer treatment. I feel angry and I’m not going to take my pills or show up for IMRT session.
The thing about prostate cancer is that you’re not told what to do every step of the way or how to do it. Nothing is planned out for you, you just have to make your own choices. Sure, the doctors suggest and outline things for you…what the treatments will do and maybe even the side effects. But rarely do they say, “this is what you ‘should’ do.”
There’s no routine, you don’t know what’s coming, and there are not clear next options if something isn’t working. Everything rides on blood tests and scans and biopsies. And, we’re told, it “might” be this or that. Very few men are told, your scan indicates this and you should do that. Who wouldn’t feel anger with a disease that has no clear pathway for treatment. We all get pissed off around prostate cancer, some of the time. That’s a very human, natural response to the crap our disease throws at us. We get angry with our doctors for not giving us clear guidence and with our friends and family for telling us they are with us, but now, get on with it (treatment). Doesn’t everyone know about all the side effects that I will feel? Doesn’t anyone understand that prostate cancer isn’t hurting me, but incontinence is?
Feeling anger may suck to to outsider who sees me angry. Tough. Sorry. This is what I feel. Don’t tell me to meditate or do yoga. That may help, but not right now. I’m pissed off at this disease and everyone associated with it. Leave me alone with my anger. I’ll probably get over it. But, don’t let me forget to take my pills or keep my appointments. That will kill me.