TheÂ list of people telling my wife and I that we should give my boy a sibling is growing by the day.Â One of my own brothers, the oldest,Â has joined the ranks of folk in favor of us adding number two.Â Me, I’m more of a “why gamble” kind of guy.Â My son was born healthy, handsom, and grumpy.Â What more could I askÂ for?Â My big bother, I mean brother,Â said “the second one will probably be the total opposite.”Â That’s exactly what I’m afraid of – the opposite of healthy.Â Plus, I have to concern myself, for the rest of my life,Â with the safety of my boy. (I am very clear on what’s going onÂ in NYC right now with the killing of a 23 year old male at the hands of undercover police officers.Â Sad facts: Fifty shots fired; one dead young black father of two; twoÂ young menÂ seriously wounded; all except the cops were unarmed.Â Somehow we have to protect our families from this kind of thing.Â More on this as the story unfolds.)Â Â The thought of worrying about two makes me a teensy bit queasy.
And oh yeah,Â I (we)Â ain’t got no money.Â Â BetweenÂ my wife and I we haveÂ a fewÂ degrees, which means we will beÂ paying back loans untilÂ we retireÂ in about 60 years.Â That, on top of the day-to-day cost of just living in NY, is enough to make me think twice about growing the family on a non-profit salary.Â Maybe by the time I’m thirtyÂ my wife and I will discuss it again.Â Until then,Â unless IÂ hit the lottery between now and the big one, case closed.Â Â Â
I’ve got the student loans that won’t be paid until I’m 60 too. And in the end…I’m a stay-at-home Dad.
Clare’s Mom and I put off having another because the timing was never right. But sometimes we wish we had. Now there’s no way we want to go back to diapers, baby food and less sleep.
I’m a little freaked about having another too — mainly fear of having a “devil-child”. We got lucky with our daughter. I just know Karma is going to come back and kick me in the ass real bad.
Well…our little guys is 3 and he has an older sister who’s six. I think if $$$ is stopping you then don’t do it. Nothing’s worse than having another mouth to feed and you aren’t capable of giving them the life you want. We were blessed but we have stopped at 2. Initially I wanted 3 but our little guy is a handful too. Sounds a lot like your boy. As long as you can give him access to make friends good. I have 4 sisters and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But let it only be $$ that’s stopping you…if it’s the injustices of the world…that where your “seed” can help bring an end.
It’s one for us, as well. We just don’t feel strongly about having a second child, and I can’t think of a worse reason for doing so than ‘don’t you want Ian to have a sister?’
But we also realize that God has a wonderful sense of humor.
we like to say we “quit while we were ahead” with one good one. we just had our niece for the four-day holiday weekend and whew, that was a lot of work with the two of them. we’re not used to that.
we’ve had people berate us for years now about having only one – one couple even told us that “they” were “pro-sibling”! (i have three brothers. i ain’t anti-sibling for sure) and that we’re doing our son an “injustice”.
the only thing that gave me pause was an only child friend of mine from childhood who said that, after his parents die, he would have no one to share his past with, except for me. so i told him, well, you’ll still have me! in other words – good friends are just as good as siblings if not better, in the long run.
a part of me says “awwwww…too bad. no more? really? REALLY?” and another part of me says that i totally feel you. kids are expensive but a sibling is like a gift to your child. they will always have their brother or sis to play with. we ‘aint got no money’ either, but honestly, i don’t think our second kid is breaking us. four or five kids, now that’ll break you. plus, if you have another boy (like us, we have two boys), you only really have to buy clothes once! And, they keep each other busy, so it gives you a LITTLE down time! 🙂
After my first son’s very demanding and dramatic ways I didn’t really think I wanted a second. But things happened to the contrary and now I’m glad our second one arrived. You have to do what works best for you and your family – for the people that ask me when we’re going to have another one I ask them if they are willing to rent me a womb to grow the baby and some $$$ to pay the hospital bills. That usually ends those little questions quickly 🙂