My mother wants to go on vacation with us.
Some of you are reading this and thinking that I should jump at the opportunity to have a babysitter watching over the Devil on our upcoming family trip. Grandma can watch the boy as my wife and I lounge on the beach and drink tequila sunrises until the sun rises, you say to yourselves.Â But I know better.Â I know that the semi-childless dream vacation will never happen.Â Because we already tried it.Â
About two years ago we had the brilliant idea of bringing the mother-in-laws on our vacation so that they could look after, and bond with, the then two year old Devil.Â Prior to the vacation my wife and I fantasized about how we would be able to sip frozen drinks at Fat Tuedays in the evening, and roast our pasty New York skin on the beach during the day.Â We never knew that our fate had already been sealed.Â
Our mother’s didn’t want to eat what we wanted to eat, didn’t want to go anywhere near a beach, and waited to see if we would pay for everything.Â It got to the point where one day we said “ok we’re going to Bo Jangles” after a long debate over whatÂ we were going to have for dinner and everyone was in agreement.Â Then one of the mother’s figured out that it was a fried chicken joint and said “I don’t want fried chicken.”Â Another mother tried to order two breakfasts so that she could have one for later.Â Lady, I think we’ll be able to find a place to eat lunch.Â
And I don’t even want to get into the childcare thing.Â We would leave the boy in their hotel room right next door, and three seconds later they would be at our door “he said he wants his mommy and daddy,” they’d say.Â The two in-laws would nap whileÂ we entertained the Devil, they went to the movies while we chased the Devil, they ate ice-cream while we put the Devil to bed.Â The only night to “ourselves” we got was when we pushed our sleeping boy over to their hotel room, slipped out into the night, and purchased some frozen 180 Octanes in over priced to-go cups.Â My wife and I hastily drank them in our hotel room, had a quickie, then went to retrieve the boy before our parents intruded.
On the flip side, last summer weÂ rented aÂ 23rd floor two bedroom condo on the beach for aÂ week, put the boy to bed by eight, and drank tequila on the breezy balcony as we listened to the waves of the Atlantic crash against the shore.Â This was after hours on the beach playing and eating like piggies.Â Â That ‘s the vacation I want to recreate, not the other one.Â Sue me.
Ah, the best laid plans…
We’ve tried that too, and somehow I’m still the one with the kids while everyone else is living it up.
What’s up with that?
Yes I think you’ve already figured out the best way to plan things oh wise one. Taking notes here.
I hear tell that Grands who live in the South will let you drop the little ones off while you go about two towns over and stay for two nights.
Alas, neither Kew Gardens, nor Jersey count as ‘South.’
Grin and bear it, big guy. (I used to sleep in the woods with mine, but the bears took care of that, thank you very much.)
Yeah my brother pulled that crap on us last month…he promised to take the kids off our hands by taking them over to his GF house…WHATEVER….Before it even got dark he fell asleep, and we had to wait till the kids fell asleep to get out! I was so disappointed!
Is there some reason (even if you’d rather not share the details) that leaving Devin with sitter – familial, paid, or otherwise – isn’t an option?
That was too funny! Almost sitcom material (LOL). In all seriousness though, they sound like a pair of smart ladies to me (smile).
I remember once, when our son was a toddler, trying to pass him off to my folks after a funeral. The kid screamed so loud and threw such a fit, one of my smart-alecky uncles said, “Are you sure that boy even knows them?”
oh, that lil’ Devil! he’s a handful. i’m sure his Granmothers know why he’s known as “The Devil” and they would welcome a free vacation as much as anyone. NO ONE goes to the beach with plans of taking care of someone else’s children!
i think you should go with Plan B (the one my wife and i use): bring him along and wait until he’s sleep for your quality time! *smile*
handle your biz my brother.. or it will turn out the way that you don’t want.. good luck!
Do NOT BRING your mother or mother-in-law on vacations or anything YOUR WIFE consider intimate time.
You are MARRIED to ONE woman, DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?
OMG they both sound like my MIL who assumes we’re paying for everything (at this point, we do too) and is really only capable of watching the kids if they’re starring on network tv.
Why don’t more people talk about the fact that all grandmas aren’t like the ones we see in the media (as much as we love ’em)?
Good luck with the plans. Don’t let her bumrush the show! And thank you for this, I feel much less alone now. 🙂
Oh, yeah. Nip that shit in the bud. We can actually get away with more without help from the family. Whenever the come to visit to “give us a break” we end up having to entertain, sight see, and clean up after them that we need a vacation afterwards…
Pretty funny…but, it sounds like you have awesome vacations. Can I go? I’ll watch the little Devil and I’ll only order one breakfast.
I wonder does this fit into the Bill Cosby Himself bit about the revenge your parents get on you when you have kids?