A couple posts agoÂ I said that I do not curse around my son.Â I wasn’t lying.Â That’s my disclaimer before I continue.
A couple of days ago my mother told me about a little rumor that was buzzing aroundÂ my son’sÂ preschool/daycare involving me (my mother is theÂ head teacher in the infant “class” so she knows all the teachers).Â Â Apparently my son has told all of hisÂ caregivers that his “daddy says bad words” to him.Â I wasn’t surprised by this because the nice ladies that care forÂ him had been looking like they wanted to tell me something all week.Â HeÂ informed them that I tell him to “shut the fuck up.”Â It’s actually quiteÂ funny in aÂ horrifyingÂ kind of way.Â Any father that says that to their kid should notÂ be a father, much less a blogging, podcasting father fighting the good fight.Â Nonetheless, I can seeÂ my boyÂ telling the story of myÂ allegedÂ obscenity-filled tiradesÂ withÂ the seriousness of a doctor talking to a patientÂ with 3 weeks to live.Â Â My son isÂ good at the straight-faced delivery of a bold-faced lie.Â And he’s only three!Â Maybe he does need a sibling as so many people have toldÂ me and my wife.Â (Not gonna happen.)
And it appears that he will tell anyoneÂ with a pulse and a pair of earsÂ that his dad curses him out like a dog.Â This morning I had to call home from the supermarket because I forgot why I was there.Â My wife did not hear the telephone, but Devin sure did.Â Â He picked up the phone andÂ the conversation went something like this:
“Hello,”Â Â he saidÂ
“Devin, is that you?Â Where’s your mother?”Â IÂ asked.
“My daddy says bad words to me.”Â
“Boy,Â this is your daddy and I have never done such a thing.Â Where’s mommy?”
“She’s doing something.Â