A couple posts agoÂ I said that I do not curse around my son.Â I wasn’t lying.Â That’s my disclaimer before I continue.
A couple of days ago my mother told me about a little rumor that was buzzing aroundÂ my son’sÂ preschool/daycare involving me (my mother is theÂ head teacher in the infant “class” so she knows all the teachers).Â Â Apparently my son has told all of hisÂ caregivers that his “daddy says bad words” to him.Â I wasn’t surprised by this because the nice ladies that care forÂ him had been looking like they wanted to tell me something all week.Â HeÂ informed them that I tell him to “shut the fuck up.”Â It’s actually quiteÂ funny in aÂ horrifyingÂ kind of way.Â Any father that says that to their kid should notÂ be a father, much less a blogging, podcasting father fighting the good fight.Â Nonetheless, I can seeÂ my boyÂ telling the story of myÂ allegedÂ obscenity-filled tiradesÂ withÂ the seriousness of a doctor talking to a patientÂ with 3 weeks to live.Â Â My son isÂ good at the straight-faced delivery of a bold-faced lie.Â And he’s only three!Â Maybe he does need a sibling as so many people have toldÂ me and my wife.Â (Not gonna happen.)
And it appears that he will tell anyoneÂ with a pulse and a pair of earsÂ that his dad curses him out like a dog.Â This morning I had to call home from the supermarket because I forgot why I was there.Â My wife did not hear the telephone, but Devin sure did.Â Â He picked up the phone andÂ the conversation went something like this:
“Hello,”Â Â he saidÂ
“Devin, is that you?Â Where’s your mother?”Â IÂ asked.
“My daddy says bad words to me.”Â
“Boy,Â this is your daddy and I have never done such a thing.Â Where’s mommy?”
“She’s doing something.Â My daddy said to me….”
“Don’t you dare say it!”
“Here mommy, somebody’s on the phone.”
Then he handed the phone over to his mother.Â The kid is out to get me.Â He wants to defame me.Â Â He wants to make me look like a bad father.Â Damn he’s good.Â Â Â Â Â
Consider yourself lucky.My oldest son who is mildly slow (was diagnosed autistic but really isn’t) told his teachers, the bus driver and the bus attendant that me and his dad were having mad wild crazy sex in front of him.He had been saying this for nearly two school terms before one of the teachers got up the nerve to tell me.I was horrified, mortified and every other word that ends in “ied”.He apparently was going into great detail and giving everyone quite an earful.I promptly set the teachers straight but was angry it took them over a year to inform me of what he was saying.
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a month. Let one of mine try that. It would be on like pop corn.
OMG! This is hilarious. Fortunately, my lil lady (a teen) has never done anything like that, though recently, she’s taken it upon herself to say “G**** (her stepmother) touches me inappropriately. I KNOW this is a bold face lie/joke and she shouldn’t really be saying it, I can’t help but find it funny though. Don’t know why, but I do. I’ll tell you this though, let the lil lady come out her face with some real cussing or such, that’d be her tail.