A couple posts ago I said that I do not curse around my son.  I wasn’t lying.  That’s my disclaimer before I continue.

A couple of days ago my mother told me about a little rumor that was buzzing around my son’s preschool/daycare involving me (my mother is the head teacher in the infant “class” so she knows all the teachers).   Apparently my son has told all of his caregivers that his “daddy says bad words” to him.  I wasn’t surprised by this because the nice ladies that care for him had been looking like they wanted to tell me something all week.  He informed them that I tell him to “shut the fuck up.”  It’s actually quite funny in a horrifying kind of way.  Any father that says that to their kid should not be a father, much less a blogging, podcasting father fighting the good fight.  Nonetheless, I can see my boy telling the story of my alleged obscenity-filled tirades with the seriousness of a doctor talking to a patient with 3 weeks to live.  My son is good at the straight-faced delivery of a bold-faced lie.  And he’s only three!  Maybe he does need a sibling as so many people have told me and my wife.  (Not gonna happen.)

And it appears that he will tell anyone with a pulse and a pair of ears that his dad curses him out like a dog.  This morning I had to call home from the supermarket because I forgot why I was there.  My wife did not hear the telephone, but Devin sure did.  He picked up the phone and the conversation went something like this:

“Hello,”  he said 

“Devin, is that you?  Where’s your mother?”  I asked.

“My daddy says bad words to me.” 

“Boy, this is your daddy and I have never done such a thing.  Where’s mommy?”

“She’s doing something.  My daddy said to me….”

“Don’t you dare say it!”

“Here mommy, somebody’s on the phone.”

Then he handed the phone over to his mother.  The kid is out to get me.  He wants to defame me.  He wants to make me look like a bad father.  Damn he’s good.