This past week I visted the site of one of my blog bretheren DJ Black Adam.  It was there that I started to ponder this thing called love.  After a few days of searching my quirky soul I do believe that I discovered what love means to me.  I developed criteria for measuring and quantifying love.  The theory is based on my being a dad, and the unconditional love of a parent for a child, nevertheless it’s transferrable to all relationships.  Needless to say I am a genius.  Here is what I determined love (between humans) is:

  1. When you can hold another person’s poop in the palm of your left hand, then wipe their butt with your right, without any hopes of salary.  (This applies to babies/kids and sick adults.)
  2. When you can hold another person in your arms and allow them to cough, sneeze, bleed, or throw up on you without caring about contracting something.
  3. When you truly want to see a person do well and be happy without even the slightest hint of jealousy or envy.  (This is a hard one because many juealous folk have no clue that they are jealous folk.)
  4. When you would do anything to see a person not suffer mentally or physically, fail, endure hardship, including give your own life.
  5. When in conversation you find yourself actually listening to a person with a deep sincere interest because you care about what they have to say, rather than thinking about all the witty things you want to say.

Now, think about all the people that you’d do all of the above for.  Those are the people that you love so much that that you often find yourself stressing about their well being; you think about their happiness more than your own.  You are not a martyr when it comes to these people, you just love them.  Some people may interject that this love is unhealthy, and they may be right.  Then think about the people that you’d do four out of five of the things for, three out of five, and so on.  That’s when you find your varying degreess of love.  The first tier, generally speaking, is reserved for your kids, your spouse, and maybe your parents.  The second tier for your closest friends and relatives.  And so on and so forth.

The next time you’re hanging with the homies or laughing with your cousins at a family gathering, think about the people in the room, and HONESTLY ask yourself “whose ass would I wipe?”  The answer to that question will probably astound you.

Love, peace, and Charmin.