Let’s Talk About the Digital Rectal Exam (DRE)

By Samuel Cohen
For many men, just hearing the words “digital rectal exam” can cause nervousness or embarrassment. This simple medical exam has gotten a reputation as something scary or shameful, and as a result, people often avoid talking about it. I’ve spent over ten years as a healthcare advocate, and in that time I’ve seen how fear and stigma can stop men from getting or even discussing important exams like the DRE. In this post, we’ll explain what a DRE is in very simple terms, address common fears and myths that surround it, explore why men often avoid talking about it, and share practical tips to make it feel more normal. The goal is to replace embarrassment with understanding. 

What Is a Digital Rectal Exam (DRE)?

A digital rectal exam, often called DRE, is a quick health check of the rectum and nearby organs. “Digital” in this case means finger (a digit), not a computer. In a DRE, a doctor or nurse gently inserts a gloved, lubricated finger into the rectum (inside your bottom) to feel for anything unusual. It might sound uncomfortable, but it only takes a few minutes and is usually not painful​ nhs.uk. This exam lets the doctor check important things like the prostate gland (a small gland in men’s bodies) or detect any lumps or swelling that shouldn’t be there​. In simple terms, the doctor is just feeling inside to make sure everything is normal.

The DRE might be done in a clinic or doctor’s office. You will usually be asked to either bend over or lie on your side, and then the doctor will perform the exam. Privacy is always provided – for example, you may undress from the waist down behind a curtain or sheet​. You can also ask for a male or female doctor, whichever makes you more comfortable, and you can have a friend or family member with you if that helps​. The exam is over very quickly. The doctor simply feels around for a few seconds to check if your prostate is the normal size and if there are no strange bumps. After that, you’re done! The doctor will let you know if everything felt OK or if you need any other tests​. Many people are surprised at how simple and fast the DRE really is.

Why Do People Feel Scared or Embarrassed by the DRE?

If the DRE is so quick and useful, why do so many men fear it or joke about it? A lot of it comes down to embarrassment and myths. It’s normal to feel a bit shy about someone examining a very private part of your body. However, the fear and shame around the DRE are often much bigger than the exam itself. Let’s talk about some of the common feelings, worries, and misconceptions men have about the DRE, and why you don’t need to fear this exam.

• “It’s going to hurt a lot.” This is a common worry, but it’s not true. The exam might feel strange or slightly uncomfortable, but it should not be painful for most people​. Doctors use gel to make it comfortable, and they are gentle. If you relax and take deep breaths, it helps. Men who have gone through it often say, “Oh, that wasn’t as bad as I imagined.”

• “It’s humiliating or embarrassing.” It’s completely understandable to feel shy about this exam – after all, it involves a private area. But remember, doctors and nurses do DREs all the time. To them, it’s as routine as checking your blood pressure. You should not feel embarrassed about it because medical professionals are there to help, not judge​. They literally “have seen it all”. They care about your health, not about how the exam might look or feel. Doctors also ensure you have privacy and dignity during the exam, so it’s over with minimal awkwardness.

• “It makes me less of a man.” Some men worry that having this exam somehow threatens their manhood or masculinity. This comes from the idea that men should always be tough and not show vulnerability. In reality, getting a health check is not unmanly – it’s smart. Unfortunately, a lot of men are taught from a young age that letting a doctor examine them, especially in this way, is a sign of weakness​ pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.go

   In truth, taking care of your health is a sign of strength, not weakness​. The exam doesn’t change who you are. You’re just as much of a man afterwards as you were before. In fact, you’re possibly an even wiser man because you cared for your well-being.

• “It’s awkward and I might react weirdly.” Some guys fear that their body might do something involuntary (like pass gas, bleed, or even get an erection) during the exam, leading to embarrassment. Doctors are prepared for all of these possibilities. They won’t be shocked or laugh; they understand it’s a normal body reaction. For instance, one study noted that a man felt very embarrassed because he got an erection during a DRE​ pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

  – but this can occasionally happen due to physical stimulation and does not bother the doctor. It doesn’t mean anything except that your body is reacting on its own. So even if something like that happens, trust that medical professionals have seen it before and will carry on professionally. There’s no need to feel ashamed; it’s just biology.

• “It’s the worst exam ever – I can’t handle it.” We often see jokes on TV or hear friends teasing about how awful a prostate exam or DRE is. Comedians might make skits about it that make everyone cringe or laugh. This builds up the idea that the DRE is a horrific experience. In reality, the fear of the DRE is usually much worse than the exam itself. As one man humorously put it, he had two worries about the exam: “The first worry was that he wasn’t going to enjoy it. And the second was that he would.”​. This joke shows how confused and anxious we can get – we don’t know what to expect, and our imaginations run wild. But when it’s over, most people think, “Oh, that’s it? That was actually pretty quick and easy.” The unknown is scarier than the reality. Once you know what actually happens (just a quick finger check), it’s not such a big deal.

In summary, it’s normal to have these feelings, but it helps to know the facts. The DRE doesn’t deserve its bad reputation. Discomfort, embarrassment, and worry are common, but they can be overcome with honest information​ pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

. When we shine a light on these fears, they start to shrink. Let’s move on to why men often keep quiet about the DRE, and how that silence can be broken.

The Social Stigma: Why Men Don’t Talk About the DRE

Beyond personal fear, there’s a social stigma attached to the digital rectal exam. Stigma means a mark of shame or disgrace – in this case, many men feel like the DRE is something embarrassing that they just don’t want to discuss. There are a few social and cultural reasons for this “code of silence”:

• Ideas of Masculinity and Pride: Many cultures teach boys and men to be stoic, meaning they shouldn’t show pain or fear. Admitting that you’re nervous about a rectal exam – or even that you need one – can feel like admitting weakness. Some men think being concerned about health (or needing a check-up) is “not manly.” They might feel that being unhealthy is a sign of being unmanly, so they avoid talking about health problems or exams pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

  Pride can get in the way; they don’t want to be seen as fragile. One researcher noted that men often have a “macho ideal” that “I’m not going to let the doctor do that to me”​ pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov This macho mindset makes them avoid the DRE to protect their pride, even if it could protect their life.

• Taboo and Bodily Privacy: The rectum (the butt area) is seen as a very private, even taboo, part of the body. Topics involving the anus or rectum are often treated as embarrassing or dirty in casual conversation. Because of this, men might not even talk to each other about having a DRE. It’s not a topic you bring up at the dinner table or with your buddies over a game. There’s a sense that it’s something to keep quiet about. In fact, one survey found that men generally “do not talk about it much” with each other​ pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

   So if everyone is silent, each man might think he’s the only one worried or the only one getting this exam. But that’s not true – many men get DREs; they’re just not talking about it openly.

• Humor as a Defense: When the DRE is mentioned, it’s often as a punchline in jokes. Think about TV shows or movies where a prostate exam scene is played for laughs – the man is usually shown freaking out comically. Guys among friends might make joking remarks like “Better hope the doctor has small fingers, haha!” These jokes, while meant to lighten the mood, can actually reinforce the idea that the exam is something weird or laughable. As one health professor explained, this fear is “embedded in our culture, in the jokes that people tell, in the juvenile humor”​ thereckoningmag.com

  The laughter covers real fear of the unknown. Unfortunately, all this joking can make men even more reluctant to talk seriously about the exam. No one wants to be the butt of a joke (no pun intended). So men might secretly worry a lot about the DRE but only talk about it in a joking way, if at all.

• Fear of Judgment or Homophobia:There’s a myth about being seen as “gay” for getting a DRE. On a society level, this ties into homophobia – a fear or dislike of homosexuality. In communities where being gay is heavily stigmatized, men might extra fear that someone will question their sexuality if they admit to having a DRE. They might say “I’m not letting any doctor near my behind” to assert their heterosexual masculinity. . Even though this fear is misguided, it is powerful. It has been reported that some men would rather risk dying of prostate cancer than have a doctor perform a rectal exam on them​ thereckoningmag.com. That’s how deep the stigma can run when mixed with ideas of pride and homophobia. This is truly tragic, and it shows why it’s so important to change the way we view the DRE.

• Lack of Open Conversation: Because of all the above points, open conversation about the DRE is rare. If fathers, uncles, or friends never mention that they’ve had the exam, younger men have no role models to follow. It remains this “secret” or unknown thing. When something is not talked about, it gains a kind of mysterious power and fear around it. On the other hand, if men heard their buddies casually mention, “Yeah, I had my exam last week, it was fine, no big deal,” it would go a long way to normalize it. Culturally, we haven’t had that kind of open chatter about DREs. Instead, we have silence or snickering. This silence makes everything worse by keeping fears in the shadows. Encouraging open discussions about prostate health and exams is critical to breaking the stigma​. When people start talking openly, the DRE becomes just another topic—nothing to blush about.

The result of this social stigma is that men often delay or avoid the exam, and they certainly don’t swap DRE stories over coffee. Many men don’t even tell their closest friends or family if they are having prostate issues, because they feel it’s embarrassing​

This silence is harmful. It prevents men from learning the truth about the exam and from supporting each other. The good news is that stigma can be reduced. Society’s views do change over time – but it starts with each of us being willing to talk honestly. In the next section, we’ll look at how to make the DRE experience (and the conversation around it) more comfortable and normal.

Making the DRE More Normal: Tips to Reduce Embarrassment

It’s clear that the digital rectal exam has gotten a bad reputation that it doesn’t deserve. So, how can we change that? How can we make men (including possibly you or someone you care about) feel more comfortable about the DRE? Here are some practical strategies to reduce the stigma and fear. These tips come from both medical experts and my own experience working with patients:

• Educate Yourself with Facts: One of the best ways to beat fear is with information. A lot of fear comes from not knowing what will happen. By learning about the DRE – as you’re doing right now – you take away the element of surprise. Remember that the exam is quick, usually painless, and often over before you know it​. Knowing what the procedure actually involves can replace scary mental images with real understanding. When you know the facts (for example, the DRE is only a few seconds of minor discomfort), it becomes much less intimidating.

• Remember You’re Not Alone: It might feel like you’re the only guy who’s ever been mortified by the idea of this exam. In truth, many men feel the same way – they’re just not saying it out loud. Don’t let that silence trick you into thinking your worry is freakish. It’s common. Even very confident, “tough” men can be nervous about a DRE. There’s a kind of relief in realizing that you are not the only one who has these feelings. Millions of men have had DREs, and a huge number of them initially feared it and felt embarrassed, too. If you can, talk to someone you trust – maybe an older relative or a close friend – who has had the exam. You might find that they also were anxious, but afterwards they realized it was not a big deal. Knowing that others got through it fine can help you feel it’s normal. This is why men should not let fear or embarrassment stop them from discussing health concerns with each other​. Sharing experiences turns embarrassment into support.

• Choose a Doctor You Trust: It is very important that you feel comfortable with the person doing the exam. If you have a preference for a male or female doctor, that’s okay – ask for what makes you more at ease​. Doctors have heard these requests before and will not be offended. Also, if possible, go to a doctor who has a good reputation for being patient and understanding. When you trust your doctor, it’s easier to relax. You can even talk to the doctor beforehand and say, “Hey, I feel a bit nervous or awkward about this exam.” A good doctor will explain each step, be gentle, and reassure you. They might even crack a light joke to ease tension – they know it’s a sensitive thing and many patients feel uneasy. Don’t be afraid to speak up about your feelings. Doctors would much rather know you’re uncomfortable so they can help, rather than have you silently dread it.

• Bring a Support Person (if that helps): Some men feel better having someone they trust in the room or waiting just outside. You are usually allowed to have a friend, your partner, or a family member come with you to the appointment for moral support​. They can literally hold your hand (or just be there for encouragement). For others, having someone else there might increase embarrassment – if that’s you, no need to bring anyone. But the option is there. A support person can also make the atmosphere feel more normal (“Hey, we’re in this together, nothing to fear”).

• Use Relaxation Techniques: Simple relaxation tricks can make the exam more comfortable physically and emotionally. Try deep breathing: take slow, deep breaths in and out during the exam. This can reduce the discomfort. Also, try to keep your body calm – if you clench up your muscles because you’re tense, it feels more uncomfortable. Instead, focus on relaxing your bottom and leg muscles. It might sound funny, but thinking of something unrelated (like a favorite song or what you’ll have for dinner) can take your mind off the exam. Some men count silently in their head – by the time you count to, say, 10 or 20, it’s done.

• Keep Perspective – It’s Just Health Care: Remind yourself why you’re doing this. A DRE is a routine health screening, just like checking your teeth or getting a blood pressure reading. It’s a normal part of taking care of your body. There’s no shame in wanting to stay healthy. In fact, facing a bit of awkwardness for the sake of your health is something to be proud of. Like one campaign says, getting checked is a sign of strength, not weakness​. If you ever start to feel embarrassed, tell yourself: “This is a smart thing I’m doing. I’m being responsible for my health. That’s nothing to feel bad about.” Millions of men have done this, and it’s kept many of them healthy by catching issues early. Early detection of problems can save your life, and it’s worth a few seconds of discomfort for that peace of mind.

• Challenge the Stigma with Conversation: One powerful way to normalize the DRE is to talk about it openly, especially after you’ve had one. For example, if you get a DRE, consider mentioning to a close friend, “I had that exam, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.” This simple statement can really change someone else’s attitude. It plants a seed that “hey, maybe I don’t need to freak out about this.” If you feel bold, you might even use a bit of humor: “Guess what, I survived my butt exam!” It can lighten the mood and make it easier to discuss. By talking about it, you break the ice. The more we all talk about it, the more ordinary it becomes. Think of how people now talk about other health screenings (like colonoscopies or mammograms) more openly than decades ago. The DRE can become just another talked-about health topic too. Encourage the men in your life to speak freely about these things. Wives, girlfriends, sisters, and mothers can also help by creating a safe space for men to share instead of teasing. When open discussion is encouraged, the stigma starts to fade​

• Know That Doctors Truly Understand: Health professionals are quite aware that patients might feel anxious or embarrassed about the DRE. Many doctors will proactively reassure you. They might say, “I know no one really likes this exam, but it will be quick.” They do everything they can to maintain your dignity. If your doctor doesn’t acknowledge your discomfort, it’s still okay for you to speak up and get the reassurance you need. Remember, you have every right to feel comfortable during a medical exam. Simple things like the doctor explaining what they are doing, or using extra lubricant, or doing the exam in a certain position you prefer, can make it better. Don’t hesitate to communicate. The DRE is a two-way street – your comfort matters just as much as the doctor’s findings.

By following these strategies, the DRE can become a much more normal and even boring experience – which is exactly what we want! The goal is for you to view it as just another health check, nothing to lose sleep over. Over time, as more men take these steps, we can hope to see the stigma shrink for everyone.

The biggest hurdle for some men with the digital rectal exam isn’t the exam itself – it’s the fear, shame, and silencearound it. I have met men who delayed exams for years because of embarrassment, and later deeply regretted it. I have also seen men conquer their fear, get the exam, and then wonder why they ever worried so much!

Here are a few things I’ve learned in my healthcare communication journey:

• Talking Saves Lives: It might sound dramatic, but it’s true. When we talk openly about the DRE and other health issues, people are more likely to actually go and take care of their health. I’ve had countless conversations where a man admits he’s terrified of the exam; we talk it through, addressing each concern; and later he comes back and says, “I did it. It wasn’t that bad!” Every time that happens, I feel like we knocked down a little piece of the wall of stigma. Encourage those around you to talk and ask questions. No one should suffer or skip important tests because of shame​.

• Facts Defeat Fear: One reason myths persist is that people don’t always have the facts. Once men hear that the DRE is brief, that the doctor is professional, that it doesn’t make them any less masculine, etc., a lot of the fear melts away. I often share statistics or personal stories (with permission) to show that their worries are common but usually unfounded. Education is a powerful tool. When we “shatter misconceptions”, we see minds change. Remember the line earlier: getting checked is a sign of strength, not weakness​. This kind of positive messaging really can change someone’s mindset.

• Empathy and Humor Go a Long Way: Over the years, I’ve learned that approaching this topic with a bit of empathy, and sometimes humor, helps people open up. For example, acknowledging that “Yes, it’s an odd exam and it’s okay to feel weird about it” makes people feel understood. Sometimes I even use a light joke (nothing disrespectful) like, “Everyone’s a little nervous about the infamous glove snap, but it’s over before you even have time to say ‘ouch’.” A small laugh can release tension. The key is to never make fun of the person, but to gently poke fun at the exaggerated hype the exam has. This balance of understanding the fear but also not giving in to panic has been very effective in my practice.

• Lead by Example: If you’re someone who has gone through a DRE and are comfortable talking about it, be an example. In my advocacy work, I don’t just tell people to do things; I also share my own experiences when appropriate. In this spirit, if you have the opportunity to normalize the DRE by mentioning you’ve done it or are going to do it, you might inspire another man to take action for his health. There’s a ripple effect to these conversations. One brave chat at a time, we can change the culture.

• Shame is the Real Enemy: At the end of the day, a digital rectal exam is just a medical procedure. It doesn’t have emotions – we do. The shame and fear we build in our minds is the true obstacle. I firmly believe (and have seen) that shame can be overcome by knowledge and open conversation​. When you strip away the stigma, you realize the DRE is a simple act that can literally save your life by catching serious problems early. We should never let embarrassment be a “gatekeeper” that stops early detection of disease​. In other words, feeling ashamed is not worth risking your health over.

It’s time to break the stigma around the digital rectal exam. The DRE is a normal, common, and important exam for many men, especially as they get older. It’s okay to have feelings about it – whether that’s anxiety, embarrassment, or uncertainty – but don’t let those feelings control you. Talk about them, address them, and then overcome them. Empower yourself with the facts and encourage others to do the same.

By making the DRE a regular topic of conversation (instead of a source of cringe), we help everyone. We make it easier for the next man to go to his doctor and not feel embarrassed. We make it easier for fathers to tell sons, “Yes, I’ve done this, and you can too.” We turn a once-awkward subject into just another health discussion. And that can lead to more men getting exams on time and living healthier lives without fear.

No one should feel ashamed to take care of their health. The digital rectal exam might not be anyone’s favorite five minutes, but it’s truly nothing to be afraid of or embarrassed about. With open conversation and accurate information, we can all help normalize the DRE. So the next time the topic comes up, talk about it honestly. You might help bust a myth or calm someone’s fear. Remember, when it comes to the DRE, knowledge and openness are your best friends. Let’s replace stigma with understanding, one conversation at a time.​