I’ve resigned myself to feeling that I’m just a bottom and a useless top. Hopefully in time the pressure will go away and it’ll work. , or maybe some of us are not meant to top.
I am learning that real sex is not like it is in a porn. Go back to kissing and foreplay- take a shower together- hold each other sleeping. Freaking out isnt going to change this. You are very normal!! Part of the fun is the conectedness not just the getting in, and getting off. Dont be afraid to talk about it. Anyone who is being honest will get it- weve all been there.
Sometimes I just want to get off so I feel like the need for strong turn on is not necessary so I often take the easy road and the other more important one is it’s internalized homophobia stuff. I want to rock my passion or even top but often just but loose it when I move there. Also I noticed when I jack off it’s mostly with single guy porn. I notice when I watch two guys getting it on some judgment creeps up and obviously that’s no fun.
Have you made up your mind you are either top or bottom… i was in the same position… that is no way to be…you solved your own problem, if you are top, try being a bottom, if you are bottom try being a top. while you are searching for what satisfying to him, should be discussed also on what satisfies you… make the connection. and I promise you thing will work out fine.
I recently has laser surgery for HPV in my anus. It is almost three months, and I feel much better, but I am left with a number of performance issues I never had before the surgery. I get leaky precum and ejaculate prematurely while having sex. Then sometimes I have retro-ejaculation, and other times I ejaculate far, but the sensation isn’t as intense when this happens. I don’t know why laser surgery for HPV should have effected my performance.
My urologist admitted he didn’t have much information for gay men. I told him it takes a harder cock to penetrate a man than a woman ( I know, I’ve tried both) and I wonder if the implants are successful with men. If they’re not hard enough why bother? Also, is there much difference between the rod and the balloons? I wanna see them in action or feel one and see what it’s like. At the risk of sounding like a slut I’d even say I’d be wiling to get fucked by one just to see if it’s effective.
When your prostate is removed, a section of your urethra goes with it. They stitch the urethra left in your penis back to the stub urethra still extending from your bladder and you wear a catheter of several weeks while it heals. This attachment is what “shortens” the penis. You don’t really lose any of your penis, but the shorter urethra pulls you penis in closer to your pelvis making the usable length less than it was. During the surgery you also lose two of the three mechanisms (valves) the male anatomy has to control bladder flow.
So many suffer from incontinence after the surgery too. I wore diapers/Depends for about 9 months before I felt comfortable going back to boxer briefs. For about 6 months after that I had stress incontinence where if I lifted something of any weight I would pass a drop or two. I would also ejaculate during when I masturbated. 5.5 years after the surgery those issues seem to have vanished. However when I bottomed for a guy a few weeks ago, I have only had sex 3 times since surgery, the pillow that was under me had a wet spot about the size of my hand. I may need to get a device for that. Having played with pumps prior to surgery, I don’t view them as viable. I tried injections of a customized solution for about a year and I achieved erections that made masturbation easy, but I still was not able to penetrate. Apparently I have venous leakage. Also while I can achieve an orgasm, the difference in intensity from intensity prior to surgery is substantial to huge. Sometimes I am not sure if I had one or not. My original urologist, also a cancer patient, described the new version of orgasm as “like walking into a cloud”.
One year ago, my relationship of 20 years ended horribly due to a combination of my dysfunction, clinical depression intensified by my dysfunction, and tensions over the way my ex spent money. I moved 1200 miles and have started over on many levels. I am 58 BTW. For the first time in 3 or 4 years the depression is in full remission, I have only a car payment, over a year’s take home in the bank, and between savings and 401K, I put 31% of my gross away each month. With the baggage taken care of I now feel like getting back on the horse so to speak and becoming sexually active again. I had resigned myself to being a bottom, but my first encounter has kind of soured me to that. What turned out to be a 3 time hookup was a total top who stated he was a passionate lover, but he didn’t like to kiss and kissed poorly and passion consisted of him guiding you back to giving head until he was ready to flip you over and pound you for five minutes, withdraw and leave. Next!
So I saw a new urologist this week and we discussed my history. I held nothing back and one of the first questions I asked is how much do you know about gay sex. He immediately replied he has a surprising number of gay patients for a suburban doctor and I was not unique and that he had no issues. Then he stated some of them were led quite active sex lives. I felt immediately at ease.
So what are my options at this point? He wants to inject me and verify that I have leakage as the insurance company will probably require it for authorization. In case you have not guessed it yet, I am planning to get an implant.
There are three types; rigid, 2 piece inflatable, and 3 piece inflatable. I am choosing the latter as my research indicates that it gives the most natural looking erection, is able to add a bit of length, and add girth. The urologists was quick to state that his practice was not there to produce a circus act so I should be realistic about enhancement possibilities. So here I am starting a new journey.
So I met with the urologist yesterday to have one final look at things. I was injected with trimix and then blood flow was measured. The good news is I don’t have venous leakage out of the penis. The bad news is that my inflow is is about 40% of what is normal. OK so that means my only viable option is an implant. Before my surgery when fully erect I was 6.75 inches. Since then the best I can stretch myself out to is 5.25 inches. So I asked the obvious question of would I be able to get any of my lost length back. The answer was no. So here I am knowing how the gay world views things and at best I would become a target of ridicule as the old man with the inflatable small prick. If I weren’t an atheist I would probably join a monastery. At this point I don’t think I will take the risks of general anesthesia and infection to get an implant. I feel impotent, mutilated, and betrayed.