For years, my counterparts in healthcare and support communities have pushed the idea that “men don’t talk” about their feelings or health struggles. This myth arose from poor attendance in early, poorly designed support groups. The blame often fell on men themselves, rather than the group format or atmosphere. Instead of engaging men, many support programs used the stereotype of male emotional reserve as an excuse for their shortcomings. They failed to address the real issue: ineffective program design.

No empirical research indicates that men are biologically or psychologically incapable of expressing themselves. The stereotype of the “strong, silent man” is a cultural construct, repeated until accepted as fact. In support groups, this stereotype persisted. Disappointing early experiences were blamed on supposed male reluctance instead of on groups unattractive to men. As policy experts have noted, men have been blamed for not attending support services that do not meet their needs. In fact, the real issue was the lack of supportive, engaging environments.

If low participation by men wasn’t due to male reticence, what was the real issue? Simply put, many traditional support groups were poorly designed and implemented from a patient’s perspective. Throughout the 1990s and early 2000s, certain major prostate cancer support organizations (other than Malecare) offered groups that, while well-intentioned, did not effectively encourage open conversation among men. These meetings were typically formatted as infrequent lectures or doctor-led seminars, similar to health classes rather than peer support environments. They usually met only once a month. w presenting information, with a brief question-and-answer period. The men attending became passive listeners instead of active participants. This arrangement conveyed that their perspectives were not valued. Unsurprisingly, such groups experienced poor attendance or minimal engagement. Men were not returning because watching a lecture is not the same as being heard and supported. In fact, our prostate cancer nonprofit Malecare warns patients to “beware of ‘monthly support groups’ promoting individual doctors or hospitals.” This suggests that those meetings primarily focus on expert monologues rather than dialogue between men. The result of these lecture-based groups was the mistaken perception that men lacked interest in sharing their thoughts.

A monthly, lecture-driven meeting can make any attendee feel insignificant. Blaming men’s supposed silence for these groups’ failures masked the actual cause: support programs failed to create environments where men felt heard.

If “men don’t talk” is a myth, then organizations that reject the old lecture-style approach should see men eagerly participating. Malecare’s support groups demonstrate that men do talk—abundantly—when given space and respect. Founded in 1998, Malecare developed pioneering modalities based on how refugee resettlement NGOs help maintain psychosocial integrity in adults.  Malecare’s groups prioritized peer-to-peer discussion and emotional support, not top-down lectures. Meetings were held weekly, much more often than the old monthly model. This helped build momentum, familiarity, and trust among participants. The 90-minute psychosocial support sessions are led by patients or caregivers who have been trained as facilitators. The result? From the beginning, Malecare’s groups have been well-attended—often filled to capacity—and now are the backbone of one of the world’s largest cancer support networks. This level of success would be impossible if men truly “don’t talk.” Clearly, they do—when a group is run in a way that values what they have to say.

The experience of these support groups shows male reticence was never really the problem. As Malecare highlights, Men only stay quiet when they feel unheard or judged.

Men open up in supportive environments. Support groups that foster trust and mutual respect demonstrate that men are more willing to share when they know they’ll be heard. Key takeaway: With the right environment, men participate and express themselves enthusiastically.

Malecare’s success also encouraged other organizations to rethink their approach. It became harder to suggest that men just aren’t interested in support groups when one organization filled the room every week. Over time, some previously lecture-centric groups began to incorporate more discussion or offer peer-led breakouts. In reality, most cancer patients who want to speak and are given the chance in a respectful, non-judgmental setting will participate fully. Often, they do so with great eloquence and emotion. The earlier notion that “men don’t talk” is a persistent myth, sustained in part by institutions that did not provide space or opportunity for men to be heard. It was also maintained by those who found it profitable to do so.