Malecare is the worlds first and still only nonprofit organization focused on support and advocacy for men who have sex with men and are diagnosed with cancer. This page will be frequently updated with new and critical information for our Gay, Bisexual and Transgender cancer survivor community.
There are many important articles for you to read, as well as several online support groups and nonprofits.
For MsM men who have prostate cancer, please join our online support group, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/prostatecancerandgaymen/
Also, join our LGBT cancer survivor community, Out With Cancer http://www.outwithcancer.org
For advocacy, visit The LGBT Cancer Project http://www.lgbtcancer.org
And visit and post on Malecare’s survivor community forum, malecare.org/forum
Post your comments below for more services.
totally new to this site. I am a (newly single) 57 yr. old gay man who had radical prostatectomy on 18 July. Still trying to adjust… to being single, to recuperating, to learning …
I had stage 3 into stage 4 anal cancer in 2004. 5FU chemo and radiation at the same time. I suffer from numerous latent chemo problems such as chemo fog and latent radiation problems such as chronic dry mouth and eye problems. I came out the other side, but never been the same as before. I tell everyone that at least I’m still here to piss and moan about how crappy I feel everyday, LOL!
I am part of a FaceBook discussion group of men who have had prostate cancer, but as a gay man (single) I feel somewhat unique.
Hey Arthur,
I, too, am a gay am diagnosed at 51 w/early pc by psa test. Brachy at cleve clinic in jan. ’11 along with 2 3mo. hormone shots. Some sexual side effects, but seem to be easing. It was not that easy, but I got thru it.
I was diagnosed with PC on December 23rd 2011. I’m 53 and in good health…well, was…Now I am being told that, based on my Gleason score of 6 and the minimal extent of it all, that I should have a nerve-sparing robotic prostectomy…man! I was not prepared for that news! Nor was I prepared for all the potential risks involved. I’m trying not to be consumed by all this but dont have a good feeling as to where my mental state (and physical state) is heading. I want to make a good decision but am really scared..
I am fortunate to have a partner who loves me but i don’t think he realizes what’s coming either…. Going to another urologist today to see what he thinks are my best options and will try to make that seemingly impossible choice.
jon- first of all take some deep breaths. Sounds like you are completely OVERWHELMED and frightened. The very first thing you need to do is try and relax. You’re not dead and you’re not dying! You have lots of life left. Try to get it into your mind this is not the END of anything, but the beginning. You are going back to school and you have a lot to learn. You are already doing well by getting a second opinion. See, you can do something. You are not helpless. You also posted on this site.
Your numbers are incomplete, whats your PSA? What lead to you getting a biopsy?
This didn’t happen to you overnight, so TAKE some time to decide and LEARN what YOU want to do about it. It is only natural that you take some time to learn about as many options as possible. When you get confused and angry ( and you will ) step back, take a breath and try to take just ONE more step. Not 2 or 4, but just one more step.
The fact that there isn’t just one treatment for PC makes for a bumpy ride. On the other hand it also helps put you into CONTROL. You need to become your best friend and advocate. Your partner can also be of great help. Building yourself a good support group is invaluable. Different people can help you in different ways. Don’t worry if you stumble and fall, we all do. Just get up and back on your path.
Hope some of this is of use to you
be kind, gentle and demanding
kapm
Thank you, Kapm! I started noticing something was odd when blood was present in my ejaculate. That was at the beginning of October. At first, my doc said it was most likely hematospermia and to wait a couple of months to see if it went away…it didn’t. Then I went to a urologist who, upon a DRE, noticed the slight asymetry. My prostate density was 20 with a PSA of 2.2 (It had gone up from 1.7 six months earlier). My CT was clear except for the note of the asymetry.
My 2nd opinion suggested the same surgery for me. The surgeon said that he won’t know the extent of it until he gets in there to see it and that he can’t assure me that he can spare my nerve bundles until he sees where the cancer is located. Is there anyway to tell that beforehand? My concern is what if they don’t get it all? Is there any way to tell if it’s in any of the surrounding areas? My Doc said I could take 3 to 6 months to decide. I wanted to do some things like go to NYC to spend some time with my daughter, check out the sites, etc. but now I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to wait. I know my life is going to be very different afterwards. I’m just not sure how different and how to plan for it.
Jon, been awhile. Whats the latest news. Reading your last post I wonder about that 3-6 month wait. The 6 months seems a bit long. The info about not being able to tell about nerve sparing surgery until they see whats inside is a very honest answer. Most doctors honestly believe in their own form of treatment, that’s how they were trained. Surgery before rad is easier than Rad and then surgery. Lots of places won’t do the latter. Hope you had time in NYC with daughter. Partner and I got to see 2 shows while we were there. When you do your homework be sure to see the number of treatments your doc has preformed. You want the best and most experienced person. Sorry to say there are no sure ways to make sure they” get it all ” Must run.
more later hang in there
kapm
Just over a month after RP – still dealing with the aftermath – mostly emotionally with some physical issues. Surgery was successful thankfully…struggling with UI control, ED and minor pain issues. I am banking on the ‘slow’ recovery timeframes of up to two years to work on resolving these issues.
How soon can I have anal sex after having prostate removed. Sounds like a stupid, selfish question, but have no idea whatsoever. Will ask doctor, but feel uncomfortable asking. 6 months, 1 year, never?
Hi Adam:
Your question is perfectly valid and not at all selfish. After all, one of the main reasons any of us would submit to surgery is to extend our lives, so that we can continue to enjoy our lives. That said, your question is best answered by the urologist who did your surgery. There may be specific reasons around your particular anatomy or surgical outcome that would define the answer in a way entirely different than for most men. Indeed, the more basic challenge for you is to find a way to feel comfortable asking this important question, and any others like it. Many men feel uncomfortable coming out to their doctor…you certainly share many brothers in that! Unfortunately, coming out to your doctor around sexual treatment planning post radical prostatectomy is one of the “musts” prostate cancer patients need to achieve. You might also find some comfort from asking your question in our online support group on yahoo…I will email you an “invitation to join.”
Adam,
Would be VERY interested in what, if anything, your doctor has to say. This is one of the reasons I’m here. Yours was the question I have wanted to ask, but have been to afraid, shy or embarrassed to broach.
Most of what I read here pertains to prostate, oral, or anal cancer. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer in January that had spread to my lymph system in my abdomen and grown into my left ureter and IVC causing blood clots. They did an emergency radical inguinal orchiectomy in January, and after my pulmonary embolism in February, they began what my chemo nurses called “really agressive chemo.” I’ve asked my doctors about what to expect of sex when I’m “healed” and they just shrug. I’m not defined by my sexuality but it’s a huge part of who I am and at 32 I’m not ready to give up that part of my life. Does anyone have any history similar to mine that can shed some light on what to expect? Will the blood thinners cause ED? Can I have a fulfilling sex life with only one testicle?